Out Of Tune
by Jae B
Summary: Helga devises a plan to sabotage Arnold's solo performance during Mr. Simmons's fourth grade class musical debut. Rated T for slightly crude humor.
1. The Perfect Plan

_Disclaimer: Never claimed to own HA! _

_AN: Hello once again, readers. I decided to take on a new challenge this time around. The characters are nine year old kids like in the show itself. Please take that into consideration since I've never attempted this feat. As always, thanks for reading. _

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Mr. Simmons's fourth grade class scattered every which way as each child walked through the multipurpose room's thick black double doors. They'd been rehearsing every day the past few months for their upcoming musical debut scheduled for that Friday, and after two grueling hours of stretching vocal chords to reach some kind of harmonious melody, the kids were ready to breathe in some fresh air. The last two children to leave P.S. 118 Elementary School were two young boys, one with a tall stack of hair that almost looked like an upside down bunch of black grapes, the other with unruly blond hair and a peculiar football shaped head. Both of them discussed the latter's anxieties toward this sing and dance show due to an oncoming ailment.

"Well, Gerald, only three more days until I make my big debut," Arnold informed his best friend as the two of them walked side by side toward Vine Street's busy sidewalks. He was slightly apprehensive since he'd landed a solo performance in one of the show's musical numbers. "I just hope this sore throat of mine clears up before I have to go out on stage."

"Don't sweat it, man," Gerald reassured the boy while grooming his towering stack of black hair. "Besides, you've got the best understudy there is. Me!"

"Thanks. It's nice to know I have reliable backup," the football headed blond replied, letting his friend know just how much he appreciated his support. "I shouldn't have walked home soaking wet from last weekend's April Fool's dance."

"You're not the only one who did."

"I'll say."

Arnold was still outraged his arch nemesis, Helga G. Pataki had fooled him into believing he'd completely blinded the girl indefinitely after he'd pulled an April Fool's Day prank on her. She'd been landing loads of laughs at his expense due to all the practical jokes she'd schemed up that day. By the time she'd forced him to sit down in a pile of chocolate pudding during lunch hour, he'd decided he'd taken enough. He called up his grandpa and asked him to bring the special gag gift the man had pulled on his best friend, Jimmy Kafka. When Arnold presented the gag to Helga as a belated birthday gift, she seemed awfully surprised until a blinding light flashed right in her eyes after she'd opened it. The boy felt horrible since he'd caused her to "go blind", so he did everything he could to make it up to her, including asking her to the April Fool's dance at the YMMA.

It was only when Arnold's best friend Gerald overheard a private conversation between Helga and her own pal, Phoebe Heyerdahl through the YMMA's ventilation system that he learned the girl had been playing him for the fool. In return he'd conjured up a scheme of his own. While dancing the tango with his so called "blind" partner, he'd arranged for Gerald to open up the gymnasium's wooden floor boards to its underground Olympic sized swimming pool. When she proceeded to tell him she wasn't blind, he'd already called her bluff, twirling her right into the pool's cold water. Helga had gotten the last laugh however, by telling him that since he'd won, the least he could do was help her out of there. Being the kind person he was, Arnold lent her his hand, only to be pulled into the water right along with her. Ever since then, the two remained leery of one another, especially when it came to school functions. In retrospect, both parties got what they deserved.

"You know, I wouldn't put it past Helga to pull another one of her doozies on ya right in the middle of your solo, Arnold," Gerald told him as he brushed a fly off his trademark number thirty three red jersey. He'd never trusted the girl ever since she'd went on an unexpected rampage during preschool.

"Why don't you at least give her the benefit of the doubt, Gerald. Deep down, she's not so bad."

"Not so bad? Come on, man! She torments you on a daily basis!"

"I know she picks on me a lot, but there are times when she can be really nice."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Unbeknownst to Gerald and the rest of his classmates, Helga had confessed her undying affection for Arnold during the trio's efforts to save their historical neighborhood.

Neither Arnold nor Helga knew how to deal with this shocking revelation so both of them pretended it happened "in the heat of the moment". At any rate, Arnold knew Helga had a heart underneath that bully facade she wore so well.

"Even if she does try something on me at the concert, I'm prepared to react," Arnold donned a wild grin. He figured should Helga cause him to draw everyone's attention, he'd pull her right into the spotlight with him. "Anyway, I don't know why Mr. Simmons put Stinky in the tenor section, and can you _believe_ he stuck Sid in the soprano section?"

"I can," a sarcastic voice spoke out from behind the two boys, "he's a paranoid freak who screams like a girl at the slightest mention of a confrontation. While he's at it, Mr. Simmons might as well stick Harold there too so he can go calling for his mommy."

"HA! HA!" Gerald laughed in spite of himself. Though those words were harsh, Helga was simply stating the truth.

"Helga, Stinky and Sid have their faults, but that doesn't mean you should go berating them." Arnold believed that everyone should be given the chance to prove themselves.

"Figures you'd stick up for those two morons, Football Head. It's a wonder he didn't assign _you _to the soprano section." The girl placed her thumb and forefinger under her chin, mumbling, "Hmm...that gives me an idea."

"Hey, by any chance have you been following us the whole way home from school?" Gerald remained suspicious of the pigtailed blonde with one eyebrow at any rate.

"No," she lied skillfully, thinking up a quick alibi, "I walked Phoebe home before I caught up with you two saps. As a matter of fact, I've seen enough of you two chumps. It's time we parted ways. See ya in the funny papers, Arnoldo!"

"Whatever you say, Helga." Arnold knew he could expose he secret if he wished, but he himself had a heart. There was also the issue of his unresolved feelings for this girl after her unexpected confession.

"Man, Arnold. I don't know _why _you even bother talking to that girl."

"Like I said, Gerald, you haven't seen the kinder, gentler Helga."

"HA! HA! HA! That's a _good _one, Arnold!" Gerald bowled over with laughter.

"Just forget what I said," Arnold responded with slight agitation in his voice. "Come on, let's go upstairs into my room."

As the two boys entered the Sunset Arms boarding house where Arnold lived with his grandparents, little did they realize that same young girl they'd encountered on the sidewalk just minutes ago was watching them with a devilish grin spread across her face. Helga was just as sore as Arnold was from the recent pool incident at the April Fool's dance. Even though she'd gotten the upper hand in the end, she still vowed to plan the ultimate revenge. Why not at the Americans All musical celebration? She continued to look on as her football headed beloved with the blue sweater and oversized plaid shirt disappeared through the boarding house with his best friend.

"He might _think _he's prepared for anything, but I'll make _sure _he doesn't see this one coming," Helga rubbed her hands vigorously, "and I've got the perfect plan."

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_AN: I hope this is okay for a clean wholesome fic. Thanks to my roomie's daughter's elementary school for the inspiration. Again, thanks for reading. I truly appreciate it. _


	2. Twisted Dreams

_Disclaimer: Don't own HA! Or the lyrics my "adopted" daughter recited. _

_AN: Yes, a lot of back ground info is currently being used to get this fic underway. I hope you can appreciate this next chapter. My greatest appreciation goes out to all those readers and reviewers out there. _

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"You sure you don't want to stay over for dinner, Gerald?" Arnold asked his best friend whose reaction was to cringe at the very thought of the idea.

"No offense, Arnold," Gerald declined his offer, "But the last time I had your grandma's cooking my dad kept my allowance money to pay the extra cost on the water bill from me havin' to flush so many times."

"Sorry," Arnold, uncertain how he should react to Gerald's cruel misfortune apologized, then rolled the topic back over to the upcoming concert. "Another think I don't understand about Mr. Simmons' program is why he chose Lila over Sheena for the other solo. Don't you think Sheena should have gotten it? I mean, isn't alto her specialty?"

"Uh, Arnold?" Gerald plastered one of his massive hands to Arnold's forehead. "You feeling okay, buddy? Lila's perfect for the part. She can sing in any key."

"Exactly," Arnold pressed the stereo button on his remote control tuning the radio station into MJAZZ. "That's my point. Lila can sing in _any _key while Sheena can only hit the higher notes. I don't think it's fair he stuck Sheena in the soprano section with Sid."

"I don't think it's fair he struck _me _in the tenor section with Stinky, and since when have you _not _taken up for Lila? I swear, ever since you used my sister Timberly to try and get her to like you like you and it turned into a big fiasco, you kinda seem a little on the outs with Lila."

"It's not that at all, Gerald. I'm not on the outs with Lila. It's just that I'm having some other prob-..." Arnold's grandpa disrupted the conversation, beating the door obnoxiously.

"You in there, Shortman?"

"Yeah, Grandpa. What is it?" Arnold inquired as the gangly old man wearing a white short sleeved shirt and a pair of suspenders to support his brown slacks twisted the doorknob. Upon entering his grandson's room, Phil exhibited a disgruntled expression across his brow.

"Did you forget you cousin Arnie was here, Arnold?" his grandpa interrogated him, "I've entertained the little weirdo for the last three hours. Now it's your turn."

"Sorry, Grandpa. Arnie's so quiet and with the Americans All musical revue this Friday, I completely forgot he was supposed to drop in for a visit sometime this month. I never realized it pertained to _this _week."

"Well it does. Here comes the little freak now-uh oh." Grandpa clutched his stomach tightly as it churned up an awful gurgling noise. "Gotta run, Shortman. My office is calling me. Never eat raspberries!"

"You mean to tell me your cousin Arnie's here?" Gerald glowered, lacing his arms across his chest. "I'd better be gettin' home. Sorry, Arnold, but whenever he's around, things get craz-..."

"Shh, shh," Arnold silenced his friend, "quick, hand me that bag of dried fruit snacks Grandp left lying over there on the computer desk."

"Oh yeah," Gerald rolled his eyes in disgust, snagging the individual sized packet of dried pineapple and whatnot. "The 'ingredient' boy."

"Hey," a monotone voice acknowledged the both boys, the cousin belonging to it dispensing a rather unpleasant snort to which Gerald shuddered violently.

"Hi, Arnie. I'd love to stay and chat with ya, but...I was jus' leavin'. Here, have somethin' to read on me." He dropped the small bag into the palm of Arnold's cousin's hand. Gerald himself felt a little anxious about the music festival and needed to get home to practice. He didn't want stay here and hang out with Arnie. "I think I hear my mom callin' me for supper. I'll see ya tomorrow, Arnold."

"See ya, Gerald," Arnold sighed, sinking his head into the bright red spongy cushions fo his mechanical couch. Now he mulled over ideas on how to entertain his oddball cousin.

"Ingredients, dried fruit, cranberries, golden raisins, blueberries and tart red cherries, sugar, sunflower oil, sulfur dioxide. Do you have an gum? Plain flavored gum."

Arnie bore a striking resemblance to Arnold, almost betraying an inverse, yet parallel physical appearance to the young lad who'd decided to reprogram his universal remote. While both boys inherited blonde hair form their parents, Arnold's unruly tresses emitted a golden hue as opposed to Arnie's pale, even less manageable locks. He was an unusual character all right, with his inverted football shaped head and inset alternately blinking eyes. Since he resided in a farm community like Lila Sawyer, it seemed only natural he'd don' a plaid button down shirt and blue jean supported by a pair of suspenders similar to Arnold's grandpa's. To complement his bizarre appearance, he wore a small blue carnival hat with a pinning propeller atop its middle. Arnold's classmate Stinky one told him Arnie looked almost exactly like him, but he was, in Stinky's words, "a whole lot uglier."

"I don't have any plain flavored gum," Arnold informed his cousin, reaching for a small brown burlap sack located on the top of the bookshelf, "but here's a bag of marbles for you to count if you want to."

"Sure. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven. I heard you were having a school event on Friday."

"Yeah. It's a multi-cultural music celebration. You wanna come?"

"Will Helga be there?"

"Uh...she'll be there." Arnold couldn't possibly fathom why he'd asked about _her_. He himself wondered why Helga constantly crept into his own mind.

"'Kay." He'd never learned Arnie developed a crush on Helga during a previous visit to the city.

In attempt to lure Lila's affection away from Arnie, Arnold played the role of Helga's "special someone", but the plan backfired. Instead of attracting Lila's attention, it transferred Arnie's devotion from her to Helga. Everyone knew Lila adored Arnie, but not a soul discovered the reason behind their breakup. The only one who knew the truth about it was Helga since Arnie, to the girl's absolute shock, flat out expressed his love for her. From then on all the kids in Mr. Simmons' class agreed Arnold's cousin was downright lame. All that is, except for Lila.

"Arnie, I'm a little tired from all the excitement at school today, plus I've got a lot on my mind. If _you _don't mind, I think I'm gonna lie down for a little while." Arnold, genuinely exhausted, crawled into bed and pulled the sheets over his shoulders. "If I get some sleep, maybe my sore throat will ease up. Three days isn't much time to recover from a cold. There's a canister of jawbreakers on the table next to the stereo for you to count if you get bored. Goodnight."

"Night. One, two, three, four, five..." Arnold dozed off at the count of around thirty-six, immersing himself into an alarming nightmare.

"Hey, where is everybody?" Arnold asked an empty platform where all the kids should be singing the show.

"Didn't you hear, Arnold?" a voice almost exactly like Helga's asked. "They all caught bronchitis from you, so we came over here to help you out."

There stood Hilda, dressed in a pair of black slacks, a white long sleeved blouse and a black bow tie encircling its collar. Topping off here sophisticated attire, she'd tied an ebony ribbon around her light blond ponytail, giving her an illuminating presence. Her classmates peered around from behind a cherry red velvet curtain, waiting for the girl to motion them onto the stage. Gerard and Kid, an alternate version of Sid and Gerald clutched to the drapery fiercely while Harry and Rhoda who were basically a slob version of Rhonda and an anal retentive Harold debated over Rhoda's garb. Two other kids, a tiny girl wearing a head full of unkempt black hair and a tall bespectacled boy with a rather large nose lurked a little further behind the stage. The girl reminded Arnold of a dim-witted Phoebe since she had to ask the boy what half the words he uttered meant. What were there names again? Fifi and Stumpy? He couldn't recall. With everyone accounted for, Hilda coaxed her colorful crew onto the empty platform ready to conduct them into a song.

_We are joined together _

_like the roots of a family tree_

_standing hand in hand_

_all across this land_

_in perfect harmony_

"Hey, wait a minute," Arnold thought to himself, searching for an absent member of the pleasant Hilda's clan. "Where is Arnie's girlfriend?"

Not that he had anything against Lulu. She reminded him an awful lot of Lila, but Arnold couldn't tolerate here unrelenting advances toward him. He remembered her suggestion of an "ever so private swim", quivering at the experience of this Lila look alike invading his personal space for a taste of his lips. Maybe if it had been Lila herself, he wouldn't have been so reluctant in returning the favor. Then again, that might not have been so great either. If his dreams had been granted, it might not meet his expectations and she'd stomped on his dreams one too many times. His thoughts were interrupted when the group broke out into another tune.

_It's a dance sensation_

_feel it in you feet_

_move with jubilation_

_to the Conga beat_

_Following the leader_

_up and down the street_

_we could dance forever _

_to the Conga beat_

"Arnold, get ready," Hilda instructed, "we've changed your solo into a duet. Hit it, Lulu!"

"Lulu!" Arnold balked as a braided redhead wearing a plaid midriff paired with a plaid skirt and white cowboy boots shimmied up to him and began to sing.

"I can Conga, _you _can Conga," she serenaded Arnold, pressing her chest tightly against his. "Everybody Conga to the Conga beat. Come on, Arnold. Sing it with me!"

"I can Conga, _you _can Conga," Lulu continued as Arnold barely whispered the lyrics along with her. When it seemed she couldn't get any closer, she crushed down on his chest practically forcing him into a backbend. "Everybody Conga to the Conga beat! HUH!"

Just when he thought it was over, she planted a good one hard on his lips, causing him to cry out.

"AAAAAHH!" Arnold sat straight up in his bed, throwing the sheets off his legs. Arnie sat on the mechanical couch, a blanket covering his lap, staring at Arnold intently.

"Hey," he snorted.

"Arnie, do you happen to know anyone named Lulu?"

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend." Arnie pulled the blanket off his lap to reveal the girl in the flesh, wiggling her fingers at Arnold.

"Hiii, Arnold. How about an oh so juicy wet one?" Lulu puckered her lips.

"AAAAAHH!" Arnold sat straight up in his bed once again, throwing the sheets completely of the bed this time. He observed his surroundings to be sure he wasn't still dreaming. Sunshine broke through the skylight window, letting him in on the fact morning had arrived. Arnie remained seated on the mechanical couch as he had in the dream, still staring intently at the boy. Arnold was growing tired of these strange dreams he had whenever his cousin was around or whenever he thought about visiting him.

"Bad dream?" Arnie asked. He had no blanket over his lap, nor any girl concealing herself beneath it.

"You might say that," Arnold rasped, his throat feeling worse than ever. He'd never been accused of hating his cousin, usually standing up him after everyone else labeled him a loser, but with the recital only two days away and Helga most likely planning who knows what, he needed to find a way to get Arnie out of the picture. A devious smile spread across his lips after he'd thought of a solution. "Arnie, can you do me a big favor?"

"Sure."

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That same morning, on the other side of town, Helga revealed the vengeful plan she'd schemed up for Arnold to her best friend Phoebe.

"Now if I can just get Mr. Simmons to let me be in charge of the costumes, Phoebes, then my entire plan will be a snap. I'll take care of the _other _business myself," she explained to her as she threw a can of baked beans and a stainless steel spoon into her metal lunch box. "All I gotta do is make arrangements with Sid and Stinky, then Arnold will wish he'd never shoved me into that pool. Heh! Heh! Heh!"

"I have to admit, Helga," the bespectacled Asian American girl who hailed from Kentucky chuckled, "this new conspiracy of yours is even more notable than your seeing impaired act, however, I can't quite comprehend why you're pulling a prank like this on someone you so deeply care about."

"Eh, just so I can torture him," the pigtailed blond grinned mischievously.

"Oh, Helga. You're terrible," Phoebe laughed.

"And because we-huh? Who's ringin' the doorbell this early?"

"Are you expecting your sister Olga anytime soon?" Phoebe asked, knowing Helga's older sister often dropped in from Alaska for surprise visits.

"No. Mary Sunshine charmed us with her oh so wonderful presence last weekend." She was glad the two of them were interrupted since she'd almost let some classified information slip through her tongue. She'd disclose it to Phoebe when she was ready. At the moment, she was dead set on getting her perfect plan to humiliate Arnold underway.

"Helga honey?" her mother, Miriam called pleasantly. She must have had a couple smoothies this morning. "There's a little blonde headed boy waiting at the door for you!"

"Arnold?" Helga raced to the door in hopes her football headed beloved eagerly awaited on the stoop for her. Instead, to her absolute horror, she found the "countrified" version of Arnold standing on her doorstep.

"Hey," Arnie greeted her, then delivered a loud snort.

"Arnie?" Helga entwined her arms together snugly, sending off an even more foul scowl than usual. "What the heck are _you _doing here?"

"Arnold said he's sorry he couldn't make it walk you to school today, but he and Gerald had some business to take care of. Since I'm in town he figured it would be nice if I walked you to school today."

"Arnold's been walking you to school every Wednesday?" Phoebe lifted her glasses suspiciously. "I thought your mom was taking you to school on-.."

"I'll explain later Phoebes, and you know it's not like-.." she stopped herself in fear of Arnie repeating any or all of her and Phoebe's conversation back to Arnold. "That was really _nice _of him, Arnie. Now, what's the _real _reason Arnold asked you to come over here?"

"I told him I loved you."

"_What?_" Helga's usual pale skin ripened into a deep shade of plum.

Phoebe's small black eyes opened wider than two golf balls upon hearing Arnie's bold statement. Try as she might, she couldn't swallow here oncoming laughter and burst into a giggling fit. So this was why Helga told Lila her encounter with the boy was _one _twisted version of the story. Bemused by these little tidbits of information, she felt compelled to ask Helga why and how long Arnold had been walking her to school, but felt now wasn't the appropriate time.

Helga herself fumed over Arnie's unusually loose tongue. Why did he have to mention her Wednesday morning walks with Arnold? She and her beloved fell far short from being an item. There was a _reason _they walked to school together on that day of the week. Sooner or later she'd have to explain herself to her best friend. And what made him tell _Arnold_, of all people, that he loved her? It seemed Arnie's normal behavior had become questionable. He wasn't a man of many words, nor was he one to spill his guts openly in front of more than one person.

"You mean to tell _me_, you told _Arnold_ how you felt about me?"

"Yeah," the boy repeated another annoying snort.

Helga wasn't sure if it was her imagination playing tricks on her, bu she could've sworn she heard the distant laughter of two familiar boys she perhaps knew all too well. She clenched her fists, throwing her arms violently into the air.

"ARNOLD!! Oh, he's gonna pay for this one! I'll make _sure _he pays for this one dearly!"

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_AN: Thanks so much to Ms. Holly for reciting those great lyrics from her school program. As always, thanks to all those reading this fic. I truly appreciate it. _


	3. Turmoil On The Playground

_Disclaimer: I don't own HA! Thanks to Craig Bartlett for creating a heartfelt cartoon series. _

_AN: Hello. Thank you so much for your patience. I hope you can enjoy this next chapter. As always, my greatest appreciation to every reader and reviewer. If I haven't sent you a personal thank you for reading "Blue Oceans" it's not because I didn't try. Some of you have private messaging blocked. Thank you again. Enjoy. _

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"Do you think I should have gone over there myself? Maybe I shouldn't have had Arnie take my place." Arnold asked Gerald, second guessing his decision on allowing his strange cousin walk Helga to school. "It's just that after my weird dream about him and the concert, I needed the two of us to spend some time apart. I mean, he was getting on my nerves and it's not like I _had _to walk with Helga to school, but I _do _have to-..."

"Huh?" Gerald, clouded in his own world of thoughts, listened half heartedly to his best friend's predicament. He himself felt the impact of the upcoming event's weight crushing his shoulders. "What are you talking about Arnold, and what's the deal with Helga?"

"Oh...um..." Arnold failed to mention his current situation regarding Helga to Gerald, who like Phoebe, had no clue he'd been walking his arch nemesis to school every Wednesday. He decided he'd better brew up an excuse and quickly. "You remember that science project Helga and I had to redo? We're still working on it."

"_Still?_" Gerald hoisted an eyebrow, "I thought that was over two weeks ago. Shouldn't you guys be done by no-...?"

"Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"What the...?" Arnold laid his chin over his shoulder to witness two high spirited boys donning scandalous grins shuffle their way down the sidewalk. "Hey, Stinky. Hey, Sid. What's up?"

"Hey, Arnold, you're not gonna believe what we just saw!" Sid, a boy of minute proportions reported eagerly. His green backwards cap smothering a head full of stringy black hair, black leather jacket and white trademark beetle boots only amplified his small frame. "Get a load of this! Helga Pataki, the meanest girl in the fourth grade's got herself a boyfriend!"

"Helga? A boyfriend?" Gerald responded dubiously. "You're kidding, right?"

"No. It's true, Gerald," Stinky, a lanky young gentleman sporting a muddy green skirt, blue jeans and rather large nose confirmed in his southern accent. "On account o' we just saw her and her new beau, Ar-..."

"_Stinky_!"

"What? What I say?" Stinky, who lacked a few screws in the intelligence department, failed to realize Sid had no intention of disclosing this information until a later point in time.

"We'll give you _all _the details at school. See ya, Arnold. See ya, Gerald."

"Oh! _Now _I get it!" Stinky announced as the two boys headed toward P.S. 118 Elementary. "You're not gonna tell Arnold and Gerald about Helga and Arnie until we get to school!"

"_Later_, Stinky."

"All right! All right!"

Arnold and Gerald turned to face one another, each boy throwing his shoulders into an indifferent shrug. Both dedicated more concern to Friday night's performance.

"What was that all about?"

"I don't know. I guess Helga found herself a boyfriend," Arnold answered his best friend, then stopped short, Stinky's words finally settling in. "Hey, wait a minute. Didn't Stinky say Helga's boyfriend was _Arnie_?"

"Don't ask me, Arnold," Gerald couldn't lie to him, "I wasn't payin' attention. Did you just say _Arnie's _Helga's boyfriend?"

"I have a bad feeling about this," Not only did Arnold know Helga detested the very thought of his cousin, he also knew Sid and Stinky's mouths occasionally spat tainted rumors. "Come on, Gerald, we better hurry up and get to school. We need to find out what's going on."

Upon arrival, Arnold scrutinized his fourth grade classroom thoroughly, searching for any out of the ordinary scenario. Everything seemed normal. Harold, a part-time bully who wore his t-shirt three sizes too small scarfed down a mega breakfast burrito, while Curly a bespectacled boy with black hair obsessed over the wealthiest girl in Mr. Simmons' class. Rhonda Wellington Lloyd showed off her brand new one of a kind Caprini sandals to her best friend Nadine, an avid bug collector. Eugene, the song and dance optimist displayed his usual klutzy behavior, stubbing his toe on the leg of his desk, then smacked his face while opening its top. Sheena, a tall mild mannered girl came to his rescue.

Most of his classmates performed their usual morning routines, but Arnold felt he needed to check out a few more students' desks. He passed over the two boys he encountered earlier. Both were laughing amongst themselves, so he proceeded to Lila who'd immersed herself into a book. Sitting right beside her, Phoebe diligently copied notes from her science book onto a loose leaf sheet of paper. Only one desk remained. It was empty. Worse yet, his cousin was absent from the room, leaving Arnold to think up a number of disturbing thoughts. The bell rang as Mr. Simmons entered the classroom, greeting his students cheerfully.

"Good morning, class!" he announced as he closed the door behind him. "Not only are we working on our special history assignments, but we also have a very special quest returning to our classroom today. That's funny. Arnold, do you know where your cousi-..."

SLAM!

The classroom door swung open, revealing an irate Helga, fists clenched, shoulders hunched and a scowl the devil himself might find frightening. Standing a mere few inches behind her, Arnie's blank expression revealed no emotion whatsoever.

"Nothing personal, Mr. Simmons," she addressed the kind teacher, "but my morning's been filled with one surprise after another. So, how the heck are ya?"

"I, um, I'm very well, um, Helga. Thank you. Why don't you take your seat. Oh, there you are. Class, I'd like for all of you to give our returning visitor, Arnold's cousin Arnie, a warm welcome."

Several students let forth loud gasps. Rhonda scrunched her shoulders, clinging to Nadine for dear life. Sid and Stinky, who had yet to make their grand announcement, burst into hysterical fits of laughter.

"Arnie!" Lila cried out in delight. She felt elated to lay eyes on her ex-boyfriend again, but couldn't fathom why he'd accompanied Helga or why they were late for class.

Helga stomped her way over to Arnold's seat, slamming Old Betsy onto his desk. The impact of her fist startled him somewhat, but not enough to rattle him since he'd become used to her antics.

"You and I will have _this _conversation later, Football Head!" she demanded angrily, pointing a finger at his cousin.

"Whatever you say, Helga." Arnold couldn't help but find his cousin following her around like a lost dog kind of amusing. "That'll keep her distracted, at least for a while."

Later on at lunchtime, Lila tapped Arnold's shoulder for his undivided attention. She needed to ask him a few questions regarding Arnie and Helga. "Hello, Arnold."

"Oh, hey Lila. What brings you to our table?" Neither party spent the quality time they used to together after the Timberly incident took place, but Arnold never minded listening to Lila's melodic voice.

"Arnold, if I may, I'd like to have an ever to private conversation with you."

"Sure. Gerald, if you don't mind." Arnold pulled himself up from his chair.

"No problem."

He and Lila strolled their way over to an empty lunch table. "What did you need to talk to me about, Lila?"

"Well, Arnold, this might be difficult for you, but don't you think it seems Arnie's spending an awful lot of time with Helga lately?"

"I don't know. I guess." Arnold made it a point not to meddle in Arnie's personal life. "Why?"

"I just don't get it, Arnold. We were oh so close and then, he suddenly breaks up with me. Now, he's associating himself with Helga, but I can't believe he'd prefer her company over mine. Would you be ever so kind as to talk to him for me?" Lila glanced in distress at the table where the two subjects sat eating their lunch. Helga was obviously miserable, but Arnie seemed content.

"What do you want me to tell him?" Arnold had enough troubles on his plate without adding this to it.

"Could you tell him I'd like to have an ever so heart to heart talk with him? Maybe we could get back together." It was a long shot, but if anybody could pull it off, Lila could.

"Thank you ever so much, Arnold." She squeezed his shoulder compassionately, then headed toward Rhonda's table.

"Great", Arnold grumbled once Lila returned to her lunch table. "What's next?"

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"Too rah loo rah lay!"

"Stinky...Stinky! Let's lower it an octave, please." Mr. Simmons attempted to keep each student on key for the sake of the song they practiced.

"Too rah loo rah lay!"

"Curly! Curly, let's focus on singing _with _the class, not over them."

"Too rah loo rah lay!"

"Harold! No eating during practice! This is a music room, not a diner!"

"Aww! I was hungry!"

"Too rah loo rah lay!"

"Good people! Good, and that's a wrap." His students trampled out the door, ignoring his last words. "Don't forget rehearsal is tomorrow night, and Arnold, please medicate that ailing throat of yours. We want to hear our star performer come Friday."

"I'll do my best," Arnold whispered, feeling worse than ever as he headed out the door onto the playground.

"Man, Arnold. I thought you sounded a little better this morning, but now you sound awful," Gerald delivered his honest opinion. "You sure you won't need an antibiotic before Friday? The concert's only two days away!"

"I'll be fine, Gerald," Arnold reassured him. "Grandma knows how to make all kinds of remedies for the common cold."

"I don't think what you have is the common, uh oh! Here comes trouble, and an army of followers to go with it."

Helga proceeded toward the monkey bars, fuming with every step she took, Arnie trailing right behind her. It almost looked as if she was pulling him on an invisible leash. A slew of followers marched behind the unlikely pair, chanting and taunting.

"Helga's got a boyfriend! Helga's got a boyfriend! Helga's got a boyfriend!"

"Put a sock in it, ya bunch a morons!" she hollered, then mumbled to herself. "I aught a deck 'em all!"

"I don't know, Arnold. I've never seen Helga in this bad a mood before. You sure you know what you're in for?" Gerald hated the idea of his best friend slicing himself into mince meat.

"I'll be fine, Gerald," Arnold tried to comfort him, keeping his own fears to himself.

"This is all _your _fault, Bucko!" Helga poked her finger into his nose. "Arnie, go stand over by that fence way over there."

"'Kay." Once Arnie was out of earshot, Helga slung her words at Arnold like giant mud pies.

"Ever since you sent your lamo cousin to my house this morning, I've had to endure him clinging to me like moss on rock!"

"I thought it would be nice if he walked you to school. That's all."

"No!" she moved her finger from his nose, pressing it into his chest. "You sent him over there because he told _you _he loved me!"

"Huh?" Arnold found himself baffled by her latest accusation.

"Say what?" Gerald was just as confused as Arnold was. Worse yet, Lila, who'd been sitting on a nearby swing, overheard their conversation.

"Don't play dumb with me, Arnold! Arnie told you he loved me and you sent im to my house to get him off your back! Now I've got him following me all over the place and Sid and Stinky telling everyone he's my boyfriend! _You_ did this, Football Head!"

"But, Helga. Arnie never told me-..."

"_Look, Pal! _Don't lie-..."

"Arnie loves Helga?" Harold, a participant among their live audience, threw his two cents in. "AH! HA! Arnie loves Helga! Arnie loves Helga! Arnie loves-..."

"Can it, Fat Boy or I'll give you a piece of Old Betsy!"

"Ahhh!" Harold scrambled out of her way immediately.

"You better run, ya chicken butt!"

"Listen, Helga," Arnold tried to explain himself to no avail. "I'm telling the truth."

"If you're telling the truth, Arnold," Lila intruded in on their debate, "then you'd never have sent Arnie to Helga's in the first place. It's obvious she's disinterested in him. I'm oh so disappointed in you."

"Doesn't anybody believe me?" Arnold asked.

"I do." Gerald placed a hand over his shoulder. "You're my best friend and I know you're true blue."

"Thanks, Gerald."

"And I know your true blue," Helga mocked him. "Don't worry, Bucko! You'll get yours! See ya in the funny papers, Arnoldo!"

Lila, turning her head to give Arnold a pitiful look, joined Helga and the rest of the crowd. She felt sickened he'd pulled a devious prank on Helga and used his own cousin to do it. Arnold himself couldn't understand why everyone was so angry with him. He hung his head low as he started to walk home.

"Helga! Helga!" Mr. Simmons cried out breathlessly as he carried a large cardboard box. "I'm so glad I caught up with you. About those uniforms you asked me for."

He presented an abundance of patriotic material to the hostile blonde. Helga examined it thoroughly.

"It isn't much, but this is all I could find and Lila tells me you're pretty handy with a needle and thread. Do you think it'll do?"

"Thanks, Mr. Simmons," Helga grinned viciously. She knew exactly what she'd do with it. "It's perfect!"

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_AN: Thank you so much for being so patient. I'm truly sorry for the delay. In another note, I'd love to read every fanfic out there, but I just don't have the time I need. Please understand if I don't get to your fic right way, I'll try my best to read it as soon as I'm able. As always, my greatest appreciation to all who've been reading and reviewing. Thank you. _

_-Jae- _


	4. Blackmail At Its Best

_AN: As promised, I updated OOT for those of you who've been waiting so patiently for it. If you didn't read "A Change" then you won't know I've been out of the writing scene for a little while due to my roommate's heart surgery and an overnight gig I recently concluded. As always, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I truly appreciate your input. Now, enjoy the chapter._

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"Do you think we made a rash decision, Helga?" Lila remained at the feisty blonde's side while she dug through various sorts of starred and striped patterned fabric. "I've never known Arnold to act like that, however, I honestly believe Arnie is telling the truth. He's always been oh so straightforward and to the point."

"You got that right." Helga mused. Her oh so pleasant classmate never failed to pinpoint an individual's personality.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Eh, never mind." Helga lifted a scrap of navy blue cloth scattered full of white stars to examine. "Anyway, it's no big secret. Arnold obviously pulled this little stunt for revenge. Hmm..stripes for the gents and stars for the ladies? What do you think?"

"I think that sounds ever so wonderful," Lila approved with delight, "but what makes you oh so certain Arnold acted out of revenge?"

"Believe me, I'm sure. Oh, I forgot to tell ya, I'm sewing special outfits for your solo performances. Arnold's costume will be the most special of them all, heh, heh, heh,." Helga laughed under her breath. "Well, I gotta run home now. I've got two days and these costumes aren't gonna sew themselves ya know. See ya, Lila."

"Call me if you need any help," the gentle natured girl offered.

"Sure thing," Helga let forth an insidious grin through her teeth as Lila walked away. "Nothing personal, Miss Perfect, but I won't be needing any of _your _help. I've drawn up my own design."

Just minutes after leaving the elementary school grounds, Helga espied two shady school boys whom she'd strangle if she knew her actions wouldn't land her in juvenile hall, but she had a better plan in mind. There was nothing sweeter than good old fashioned black mail and nobody deserved it more thank Stinky and Sid did. After all, it was they who spread the rumor Arnie was her boyfriend all around school in the first place. Sneaking up behind them, she'd startled each one by squeezing his shoulder firmly.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Stinko and Sid," she swung her head from side to side, eyeing each of them treacherously. "Playtime's over boys. Now it's _my _turn."

"Aw, come on, Helga," Stinky protested, "it was all in good fun-..."

"At my expense!" Helga retaliated. "Before you start wagging that loose thing you call a tongue, Sid, you better listen up or you'll be having a conversation with Old Betsy, got it, Bucko?"

"We understand," Stinky nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He realized she'd relish in toasting him if he didn't obey her every command. "Loud and clear."

"What are you gonna do to us, Helga?" Sid asked nervously quivering in his boots. He hated waiting in agony to receive his punishment.

"It's not what _I'm _gonna do to _you _two morons," she replied, jamming her finger into Sid's overtly long nose. "It's what you two morons are gonna do for _me_, and if you don't oblige, I'll rip off those beetle boots and give 'em to Wolfgang so he can eat 'em!"

"Ahh!" Sid screamed loudly. "I'll do anything you want, Helga, but please...not the beetle boots! Not the beetle boots! Ah ha ha ha!"

"Put a sock in it! And as for you, Stinky," Helga removed her finger from Sid's nose, poking into the tall boy's stomach, "if you don't comply with my demands, I'll see to it the cafeteria lady doesn't serve lemon puddin' for the rest of the year!"

"Aww, Helga. This really bites."

"That's what ya get fer playin' dirty," she mocked Stinky's southern drawl, only adding to his discomfort. "Ya didn't think about the con-see-quences did ya, partner?"

"We get it already!" Sid cried out in a panic, shifting his eyes around the premises. It was too embarrassing to be threatened by a girl, but this was Helga which was possibly excusable. "Just tell us what you want us to do!"

"Yeah, Helga. Tell us." Stinky had a mild habit of echoing his peers.

"Here's the plan." Helga pulled a black jewel case out of her backpack. "You guys are gonna take this CD into the music room and substitute the first track for Arnold's solo music. You will also volunteer to handle that part of our lamo performance since no one else seems to be interested in participating."

"Seems like you're tryin' to make Arnold look like a dang fool, Helga. I don't know if I can go through with this." Stinky collected his thoughts. "Lemon puddin' ain't as important as keepin' a good friend as nice as Arnold."

"If lemon puddin' won't convince you to do it," Helga snarled, exposing a pair of clenched fists, "then I'm sure Old Betsy and The Five Avengers will!"

"All right! All right! There ain't no sense in bein' so dang violent!"

"Uh, yeah," Sid piped up. At least Stinky could stay calm in a dangerous situation like this.

"We're all clear then?" Helga grew impatient with Sid's whimpering. "Now, here's what else you two saps are gonna do..."

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"You know, Arnold, I get so tired of everybody blamin' you for somethin' you didn't do," Gerald complained to his best friend as they walked home from school. "It's bad enough to have Helga on your bad side, but this whole Arnie thing? Now _that's _messed up."

"I swear, Gerald, I never sent Arnie over to Helga's place because he said he loved her." Arnold confided in the only person who believed him. "I only sent him over there because I needed a little breathing room. "I even started having those weird dreams again too, but I _know _Arnie _never _told me he loved Helga."

"Apparently he said something to Helga to make _her _think so." Gerald, suspicious of Arnold's cousin's behavior, contemplated over what might motivate the weird little freak to do such a thing. "Arnold, has Arnie ever lied to you?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Arnold shrugged, "I don't really think he's capable of lying."

"Maybe not, but let's just say, what if Arnie made this whole thing up to make himself look good and you look like the bad guy?"

"Gerald, Arnie might be a little different, but I don't think he's a liar. I know he reads labels and collects lint, but that doesn't make him a bad person."

"All right," Gerald sighed as the two climbed the boarding house's front porch steps. "I was jus' sayin'. Hey, do you think Helga might have spread the rumor herself?"

"How would she benefit from that?" Arnold opened the front door, releasing a pack of cats and his pet pig, Abner.

"True, why would any girl want Arnie as her boyfriend?"

"Ahem." Arnold cleared his raw throat, sending his best friend a sharp glare.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot." Gerald apologized, eyeing Arnold's grandma all decked out in western wear from the ten gallon hat sitting on the top of her head to the snake skin boots squeezing the tip of her toes. "No offense, but Lila has strange taste in men."

"Tell me about it."

"Afternoon, Tex!" the old woman shouted, holding up a spoon heavily coated in a thick brown sauce. "Grub's cookin' over the open fire now. Should be ready by sundown. Your partner come to join us?"

"Uh, no thanks, Grandma," Gerald declined nervously. "My mom usually has a plate ready for us kids when we get home from school."

"No she doesn't," Arnold argued. "You're mom doesn't even get home 'til-..."

"Pookie! Are you cookin' beans again?" Arnold's grandpa hollered from the livingroom. "'Cause if ya are, you better make sure the plumbing in the downstairs bathroom is working. We had a couple of serious explosions in there last night."

"Come on, Gerald," he motioned for his sickened friend to follow him upstairs. "I promised Lila I'd talk to Arnie for her."

"In that case," Gerald backed away from the banister, "I think I'm gonna take a rain check. I'm sorry, Arnold, but a couple of hours with your cousin is all I can handle."

"All right," Arnold sighed, rolling his eyes as he ascended the staircase. "I'll see ya in the morning, Gerald."

"In the morning, yeah. Don't forget to take care of that throat of yours."

"I can't even keep my friends over here because they think he's such a flake," Arnold griped opening the door to his room. "Oh, well, I might as well get this conversation over with."

Arnie sat on the red mechanical couch reading a list of ingredients from the back of his nutrition bar.

"Organic brown rice syrup, soy rice crisps, soy protein isolate, rice flour, malt extract-..."

"Hey, Arnie."

"Hey."

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Arnold asked, seating himself beside his eccentric cousin.

"Kay."

"Listen, I know you guys broke up and everything, but Lila's been feeling really down in the dumps ever since you started hanging out with Helga. I don't think it would hurt if the two of you sat down so you could explain your feelings to her. She told me she wanted to talk to you and I really think you should. Lila could use a little cheering up right now. If you don't want to talk to her, could you at least do it for me?"

"Sure." He accepted with a loud snort.

"Good. She's usually in class at least fifteen minutes before the bell rings. Now that's over with, I need to go downstairs and make an important phone call."

"Kay," Arnie resumed reading the ingredients off his energy bar. "Organic roasted soybeans, organic soy flour, organic rolled oats, organic evaporated can juice, organic soy butter..."

He dreaded calling her, but Arnold refused to let Helga believe he'd lied about his cousin to her. There was no telling how she'd react to his apology, but if _he _felt better by calling her in attempt to make things right, it was worth it. He picked up the phone and began dialing her number.

"Hello? Helga? It's me, Arnold," he gently eased into the conversation.

"What the heck do you want, Football Head?" Helga asked skeptically. "And what's up with your voice? It sounds like a frog crawled in there and croaked.

"I'm fighting off a virus, that's all," Arnold defended his current condition. "Look, I wanted to ap-..."

"You sure you're gonna be okay for the concert?" She might have been scheming to embarrass him beyond all reason, but she still loved him.

"I'll be fine, Helga," he assured her. "Grandma's been giving me her herbal remedy every four hours. Look, Helga, I wanted to call to tell you I'm really sorry about the whole Arnie situation."

"So, you're ready to admit you planned the 'Arnie loves Helga' thing all along?"

"No, and I didn't plan it at all. I _did _send Arnie over to your house to walk you to school, but you have to believe me when I say he _never _told me he loved you."

"Like I'm really supposed to believe that, Arnoldo! What do you take me for, a-..."

"Fine!" Arnold lost his patience, struggling a yell into the phone. "Believe what you want!"

"I will!" The sound of the dial tone informed him she's hung up.

"If she wants to believe I'm a liar, let her!" he stomped back up the stairs grumbling. "It doesn't hurt my feelings any. Oh, great. Now I'm starting to sound like Gerald."

Reentering the converted attic which he now called his room, Arnold grabbed a spare sheet and pillow from the end of his occupied bed and headed toward the mechanical couch. He realized if he didn't get any sleep from these warped dreams he kept having, there was a chance he might not be well enough to sing at the concert.

"Why does this always happen when you come to visit?" he asked his snoring cousin. He came to the conclusion he'd probably never know and fell into a deep, sound sleep.

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"If Hair Boy wants to play hard ball with _me_," Helga stopped to consider after she'd slammed down the phone, "then he better be ready to play a vicious game. He'll be sorry he ever lied to Helga G. Pataki! These pants will surely be a hoot once I'm finished altering them, and once Sid and Stinky come into play, Arnold will never know what hit him! Heh, heh, heh!"

The pigtailed blonde observed all her classmates' uniforms sprawled out across the entire length of her bed, then stretched the elastic on a pair of red and white striped pants she held up with two fingers.

"Perfect!" Pleased with the results of her labor, she let out a loud maniacal laugh, followed by a coughing spree and then burst into another fit of hysterical laughter.

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"Ya know, Stinky, I'm so sick of Helga bullying us around like that," Sid poured his frustration onto his best friend. "I mean, who does she think she is, threatening us if we don't go through with her plan?"

"Yeah," Stinky agreed, "And I'm sick o' her callin' me Stinko."

"We could just not do it, but then I'd lose my beetle boots and you wouldn't eat lemon pudding for the rest of the year and we'd probably both get beaten to a pulp." Sid sighed, stepping over every crack on the sidewalk's pavement.

"I guess. Helga's just too dang ornery, Sid. Someone needs to put her in her place."

"Put her in her place..." Did raised his eyes, pondering over the matter. "Hey, I just thought of something. Since she's making us pull a prank on Arnold, don't you think it's only fair she gets what's coming to her?"

"What the heck do ya mean by that?" Stinky scratched his head in confusion.

"What I mean, Stinky, is since we're being forced to do this stupid thing for Helga, we should give her a taste of her own medicine."

"Now I get it!" The southern boy continued scratching his head in deep thought. "But how's that gonna help us? Won't she beat the stuffin' out of us anyway?"

"Not if we get some other sucker to do it for us." Sid shifted his eyes in the direction of Harold, who strolled down the sidewalk with a mouth covered in Mr. Fudgie Bar chocolate. "Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Stinky?"

"That's a great idear! Eh, heh, heh, heh!" Stinky laughed heartily as Harold approached the two boys.

"Hey guys. What's up?" he asked after guzzling down his Yahoo soda.

"Hi ya, Harold," Sid greeted his unsuspecting classmate with an enormous grin while Stinky did the same. "Have we got a deal for you!"

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_AN: I'm not guaranteeing anything, but I'll try to have the next update posted in a more timely fashion. My sincerest apologies for taking so long to post this one. Yes, there is plenty of local dialect in this chapter. It's not typos. Deal with the real ones. As always, my greatest thanks and appreciation to every reader and review. Thank you. _

_-Jae- _


	5. Anticipation

_Disclaimer: I've never claimed to own HA! Craig Bartlett should, but he doesn't. _

_AN: I haven't had the internet since May, I think, so please be kind to me. I've also written some original poetry. One will be posted here since I can incorporate into a fanfic. Yes, I'll be doing a lot of reading, reviewing and replying so please be patient. As always, thanks so much for reading. Enjoy. _

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"So, you're telling me I'll get my weight's worth in Chocolate Num Nums _and _a six pack of Yahoo Soda if I help you guys pull this prank on Helga?" Harold considered Sid's and Stinky's deal, not entirely sure if meddling in the angry blonde's affairs was such a great idea. "I don't know, guys. It sounds kinda risky."

"Since when did you become yella, Harold?" Stinky asked narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the husky boy standing before him.

"Yeah," Sid concurred. "Since when did you become such a wuss?"

"Since you told me this prank was on Helga, that's when!" Harold leaned into Sid's face clenching his fists.

"Actually, the prank's on Arnold and it was Helga's idear," Stinky enlightened him, "so we're...uh..._you're _gonna get her."

"You mean we're gonna get _Arnold_? But I thought we were gettin' Helga," Harold threw his arms into the air and wailed, "Ahhhh! You're confusing me!"

"Here's the deal, Harold," Sid tried explaining to his feebleminded classmate, "Helga's the one who thought up this whole thing on Arnold. The catch is, she's forcing _us _to do her dirty work for her, so _we_ decided we'd get even with her. That's where _you _come in."

"That means if I do this, I get the Chocolate Num Nums and a six pack of Yahoo Soda..." Harold scratched his left temple in thought, "but what happens if I don't do it?"

"Then you'll have to answer to us," Stinky threatened, lowering his brow meaningfully.

"Hey! No fair! That's blackmail! I oughtta pound ya!"

"Pound us," Sid smiled slyly, "and you'll be answering to both Helga and Arnold for a crime you committed all by yourself."

"Yeah," Stinky continued his best friend's argument, "pound us and you won't get nothin' but a bad whoopin' from Helga. I reckon if ya take that road it's a no win situation. So, what do ya say to _our _plan?"

"Ohhh, okaaaay," Harold sighed. "Just tell me what you want me to do."

"We'll let you know what we want you to do once we get our orders from Helga," Sid informed him. "In the meantime, you'd better mentally prepare yourself to pull the most humiliating prank you've ever pulled in your life."

"Oh, I will. I'm goin' home right now, so I can get a good night's sleep. I'll see you guys tomorrow at school." Harold started running down the sidewalk, then twirled around and shouted to the pair, "And when this is all over you'd better have my Chocolate Num Nums and my Yahoo Soda!"

"Don't worry, Harold," Stinky shouted back, "we will!"

"Well, that was easy." Sid eyed his accomplice deviously.

"Sure was!" Stinky returned enthusiastically and both boys shared a hearty laugh as they strolled home.

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"What's in the box?" Arnie asked Helga as he followed her and Phoebe on their route to P.S. 118 Elementary that morning.

"It's the costumes I sewed last night for our Americans All performance tomorrow night," she answered, feeling generous since completing Arnold's altered pants. Usually she'd tell the dweeb it was none of his beeswax. "Yours is on the top since you're the smallest girl in our class, Phoebes. Take a gander."

"Oh, my," Phoebe responded after peeking into Helga's box. "I'd have to say I'm rather impressed with your sewing ingenuity."

"If you like that one, then get a load of this," the pigtailed blonde rummaged through her handmade assortment of clothing until she found Arnold's altered trousers, then handed them to her best friend to examine. "What do ya think?"

"Oh, Helga," the petite girl giggled while adjusting the pale blue frames of her glasses, "you're terrible! However, I find your current scheme incredibly clever."

"That'll teach Hair Boy to try something like _this_ on me," she growled, eyeballing Arnie. "That reminds me, this conversation between Phoebe and me...never happened."

"'Kay," Arnie replied, following up with his usual routine snort.

"Why don't you just tell him you don't like him," Phoebe whispered in Helga's ear, "because quite frankly, I can't take it anymore."

"Don't you think I've tried?" Helga returned, pulling her pigtails in frustration. "Ever since yesterday morning he's been following me around like a lost dog! I couldn't even get out of the house without seeing his lamo face at my doorstep! He's like a freakin' nightmare that keeps coming back!"

"Helga! Keep your voice down," Phoebe advised her agitated companion. "Remember, he _is_ in our presence. I'm sure by rehearsal time tonight, we'll have remedied the situation."

"We'd better have," Helga grumbled through her teeth. "Hey, did you say tonight's rehearsal night?"

"Yes it is," the petite ebony headed youngster nodded.

"That means it's also _dress_ rehearsal night," the other girl grinned mischievously, "which also means it's time for me to do some costume fittings! Come on, Phoebes! Let's hurry up and get to school!"

"Coming!"

The two girls rushed into a sprint entirely unaware they'd left their undesirable visitor behind. Arnie, displaying no change in emotion, kept a steady eye on Helga as she and Phoebe worked their way toward the school.

As Helga and her best friend reached the doors of P.S. 118 Elementary, Arnold and Gerald stepped onto the city bus, discussing yesterday's Arnie/Helga fiasco.

"I swear, Arnold," Gerald started, "even if you did apologize to her, what makes you think Helga's gonna forgive you?"

"For one, Gerald," Arnold speculated, "I don't think she's as bad as everyone else thinks she is."

"Are you kidding, Arnold?" Gerald raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "That girl's gonna get you one way or another. She even said so herself!"

"Look, Gerald," Arnold elevated his voice slightly, "whatever happens, happens. Right now, I need to concentrate on tonight's rehearsal."

"That's right!" Gerald realized. "That reminds me, how are you feelin'? You sound a lot better."

"I still have a slight tickle in my throat," Arnold smiled, "but Grandma's herbal remedy and some much needed sleep helped a lot. So yeah, I guess I'm feeling a little better."

"Good," Gerald heaved a sigh of relief, "that means I won't make a fool of myself tryin' to sing _your _solo."

"Don't go thinking you're out of the woods yet," Arnold cautioned his exceedingly confident partner. "I said I felt a _little _better. That doesn't mean I'm over my illness yet."

"Aw, man, Arnold. You really know how to suck the morale outta someone."

"Even if I couldn't sing tomorrow, I know you'd perform my part just as well or even better than I would."

"That's better, Arnold. How'd your conversation with Arnie go?" Gerald glanced out the bus window, failing to realize it was passing P.S. 118 Elementary.

"It's hard to tell," Arnold gazed in Gerald's direction watching the school go by. "Whoa! Wait!"

Arnold and Gerald scrambled through the bus passenger doors in time to see Arnie reach the front steps of the school.

"Guess we'll find out soon enough," Gerald mused as the two boys followed the eccentric cousin to class.

Entering the room, Arnie headed straight for Lila, greeting her in his usual snorty way.

"Hey."

"Arnie!" Lila's eyes lit up upon seeing him, "what an ever so pleasant surprise. Whatever brings you here to my desk?"

"We need to talk," Arnie stated flatly.

"Well, sure," the delicately freckled faced redhead accepted uneasily. "Whatever would you like to talk to me about?"

"I like you," he blinked his left eye followed by the right, then added, "but I don't like you, like you."

"I understand," Lila frowned, but kept her emotions under control, "but this means we can be ever such good friends, right?"

"Friends, right. 'Cause I love Helga," Arnie repeated his snort, then strolled to the empty desk near Helga's. Lila lay her head on her own desk and sighed.

"That went well," Gerald commented as he and Arnold viewed the situation from afar.

"Yeah," Arnold let out a breath of exasperation, "I ask him to make her feel better and he ends up making her feel worse."

"I don't know, Arnold, but I think you've got bigger problems than Arnie and Lila," Gerald motioned his head toward the back of the room where Helga and Phoebe sat at their desks snickering. "They're up to something, aren't they?"

"No," Arnold corrected him, "Helga's up to something."

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"These rehearsal outfits are atrocious!" Rhonda Wellington Lloyd voiced her candid opinion as she modeled her navy blue dress littered with white stars. "They're an abasement to fashion itself, and this color does not go well with my black hair. _What _was Helga thinking?"

"Well, I think they're oh so adorable, Rhonda," Lila smoothly persuaded the girl into reevaluating her point of view. "The fine needlework stitched into these handmade costumes only proves Helga's dedication to her classmates and to her country. With a few alterations and some cleanup around the hems, I'm oh so certain you'll look ever so elegant in your own."

"When you put it that way," Rhonda considered, "I guess my dress isn't so bad."

"Helga also asked me to distribute these ever so charming hair accessories. There's only one left." She offered Rhonda a slim navy blue headband dotted with tiny white stars.

"Where did she get these?"

"She made them." Lila turned the headband upside down, revealing a set of tightly woven stitches along its center.

"Wow. I'm impressed."

"I'm oh so amazed at how accurate the size of each costume is considering she didn't have the chance to measure all of our classmates. Take a look around."

Each student fiddled with his or her article of clothing while Helga pushed pins through the hem of a pant leg or around the waist or underneath the underarm of a shirt or a dress. Most of Mr. Simmons' fourth grade behaved exceptionally, except for Curly, who after Helga finished marking his alterations, tied his pants around his head and burst into an incoherent chant. Then there was Harold, who kept whining about the size of his shirt.

"Helga, this shirt's too tight around the stomach!" He tried to button his white dress shirt to no avail.

"Aw! Suck it in, Pink Boy!" Helga shouted, attempting to remedy his discomfort. She hadn't anticipated running out of material when she came to Harold's shirt. "I should have done this one first. Can't you suck that gut of yours in any farther?"

"I..I..." Harold struggled to breathe, then let it all loose, wailing, "I can't do it, Helga!"

"All right! All right! Pipe down, ya big cry baby! I'll figure something out." She lifted the right side of her unibrow, studying Harold's body structure. "I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take my clothing marker, mark the shirt just above your belly button so you can wear it just like you wear all your other shirts."

"Aw! But this is a school performance!"

"You'll wear it and like it, Bucko!"

"Oh, okay," Harold surrendered, but not without complaint. After she'd left to attend other classmates, he let her know what he thought of her. "Madam Fortress Mommy!"

On the other side of the auditorium, Arnold and Gerald discussed their own attire among other subjects. Each boy agreed he looked ridiculous.

"I look like Uncle Sam," Arnold confessed, adjusting the buttons on his specially made vest. Although he'd clothed himself in the same white dress shirt and red and white striped pants as his peers, the navy blue star patterned vest was specifically sewn for his upcoming solo. He peered over at Lila, who wore an identical vest aside from its red and white striped design.

"Football Head! Tall Hair Boy! Need any last minute adjustments?" Helga approached the pair holding a pincushion in one hand and carrying an overstuffed bag of hats in the other.

"No," Arnold glanced over his shoulder around the back of his pants. "I think we're good, Helga."

"Yeah," Gerald chimed in, "all I need is my pants hemmed."

"Great," the young blonde grinned suspiciously, "Geraldo, I need you to hand out all these hats and American flag pins to the boys."

"What are we?" Gerald inquired holding up a small hat trimmed with red and white stripes above the rim, "a barber's quartet?"

"There are more than _four _of you, Geraldo! Sheesh!"

"I know. I was jus' sayin'." Helga eyed Arnold while Gerald made his excuse. He tried his best not to burst into laughter.

"Here's _your _hat, Arnoldo," she stated firmly, placing a navy blue top hat sprinkled with tiny white stars onto his head. Just above the rim appeared the same red and white striped trim as Arnold's other classmates' hats.

"_Now, _you look like Uncle Sam," Gerald chuckled while Helga pulled out a similar red and white striped top hat trimmed with the same star pattern as Arnold's vest. "Must be Lila's. How'd ya manage to do all this on such short notice?"

"I have my ways." She'd never admit to staying up all night into the wee hours of the morning sewing.

"You did a really good job, Helga," Arnold complimented.

"Guess I'm finished here," Helga announced. "I'll see you two chuckle heads tomorrow night. I know I'm looking forward to it."

"Yep, she's up to something," Gerald presumed once Arnold's arch-nemesis was out of earshot.

"Ugh!" Arnold grumbled, "and it's all because of Arn-..."

"Class! I need you to settle down," Mr. Simmons broke off the conversation with his command. "Everybody please return you garments to Helga, who's done an absolutely fantastic job...Curly, I need you to stop using your pants as a slingshot and return them to Helga so she can make the final adjustments to them. People! Let's all take a fifteen minute break and when we come back, we're going to get on the stage for rehearsal practice."

"Hey, Arnold," Gerald beckoned his best friend onto one of the platforms. "I wanna show you something."

"What is it, Gerald?" Arnold climbed up next to Gerald.

"This is Helga's position, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"If I remember correctly," Gerald stroked his chin, pointing to a relatively large opening directly underneath him, "This vent blows out bursts of cold hair when it gets too hot in here."

"Actually, that's not a vent. They throw dry ice into it to make smoke. There's a mechanism that blows it up into the air."

"It's the perfect gag," Gerald told him, "should Helga pull a doozie on you. It'll blow her skirt right up into the air."

"I don't know, Gerald," Arnold hesitated. "It's a little drastic, but I guess we'll be ready if she tries something."

"And you know she'll try something. Well, here's to tomorrow."

"To tomorrow."

Unseen by Arnold and Gerald, Sid and Stinky stood behind the stage discussing various cable maneuvers with Harold.

"We'll be working the stage right cable while you work the stage left cable over yonder," Stinky instructed him. "You're to lift Helga up by her dress and plant her on center stage next to Arnold. You gettin' all o' this, Harold?"

"I don't get the stage references, but I think I'm supposed to hook Helga's dress, lift her up into the air, and then drop her down by Arnold. Is that right?"

"Perfect!" Sid slapped Harold on the back. "Now all we gotta do is get the timing right for both cables."

"Don't forget about the music, Sid," Stinky reminded him.

"Got it right here," Sid pulled the black jewel case from the inside compartment of his jacket.

"I wanna know," Harold's curiosity ate at him, "what are you guys gonna do with the other cable?"

"That's classified information," Sid informed him.

"Courtesy o' Helga G. Pataki." Stinky looked at Sid, whose wild grin revealed all.

"All I know is I can't _wait _for tomorrow!"

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_AN: As always, I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read this fanfic. If there are typos etc...I'm only human and I do make mistakes. For those fellow fanfic authors out there, never stop writing and thank you for inspiring me. _

_-Jae- _


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